Today

I got an unexpected break today when dh took the crew out for a Lag B'Omer outing to see some family. He took everyone except the Mommy and the babies, who are still not big on outings.  I had some doubts myself but it ended up being a delightful day for my fluffy roly poly companions and I.  I really enjoyed these two and their company. They were full of gorgeous smiles, we ate and played and cuddled.  They are up to new tricks of trying to roll or grabbing their toes or each other's hands. So many possibilities.  Such wonderful, simple pleasures. And while they napped, I got to listen to music, think, dream, read and even write, finally.  The weather was cooler today, even though we are now on the upward summer temperature swing. So we enjoyd the breeze and he clear skies, surrounded by greenery, pomegranate blossoms, white and red hibiscus flowers and such.  The chinaberry blossoms are gone but the tree is still a beauty even without them. I didn't cook but had some homemade yogurt and sourdough bread - my latest culinary adventures.  I really neeed this quiet time to regroup mentally. I don't get this kind of mini-vacations often but perhaps I need to make time for them in my life, because this was surprisingly refreshing and helped me get past some of that burnt out exhaustion I've been feeling lately.  Thanks G-d, for such lovely days.

On his tenth birthday!

In a few short weeks my oldest will turn ten, G-d willing.   Yes, ten years have flown by and there are many, many things I still have to figure out about this mothering business.  But I remember that wonderful spring day very well, when this long awaited beautiful boy was born.  Ah, the hazel, sometimes almost amber eyes, the curly hair (his nemesis since he was about five), the suntanned face, the impish grin, the keen intelligence, the quick wit and  at times too quick tongue.  He wanted to be in control of everything since the moment he came into the world.  The son who is so like me on the outside and on many days such a mystery to me on the inside.  He with whom my mothering journey has started.  He is full of surprises, this spirited child.  So often he is a ball of contradictions. In many ways, he is a typical oldest child- responsible and mature and in many ways he really struggles to harmonize the many disparate parts of him.   Despite his considerable talents, he finds (and makes) so many things challenging.  He is so aware of everything and everyone around him.  He finds transitions difficult.  He is growing up in so many ways.  Just today, for the umpteenth time he points out how he is almost as tall as I am.  He amazes me with his insights and out of the left field remarks.  He's got his way with words.  He loves to read.  He has his dreams.  He has a million plans.  He is dipping his toes into the world of adulthood.  I remember myself at this age.  It was definitely a transition year.  Once he wanted to be a teacher.  Once he dabbled in doing business.  Today, it's the military that beckons to him.  I was at first surprised ( he who was once so uncoordinated, he who likes his creature comforts) but the more I think about it, the more I see how it could really suit his personality.  Only time will tell.  Yes, ten years old.  In ten more, G-d willing, he'll be a grown man, a husband, a father perhaps !  I have a hard time sometimes conveying adequately to him just how fantastic I think he is, that my love for him has just grown since the time he was an intense and sweet little bundle.   So many times these days I keep thinking how I don't want the love and sweetness and closeness to be lost in the sea of growing pains and struggles.  I need to remember to convey the approval that he so much seeks.   This wonderful (if sometimes difficult) boy is turning into a man faster than I could have imagined.  Some days, the frustrations are many for both of us, at the end of the day, I feel drained and exhausted as I cross another finish line in another day of demanding parenting.  But then, as I give him his goodnight kiss and we chat a bit as I sit by his bedside, he says " You know, I love YOU mommy. It's the work I don't like".  And I know that with all the creative endeavors that are waiting for me out there, nothing will ever equal in creativity or importance to this gargantuan task of helping a child to traverse this terrain of childhood, in uncovering and developing the person he or she was meant to become.  Happy birthday, dear boy, may Hashem bless you and guide you in all your ways, today and always.

The lists that make a life

I am a woman of many lists.  I regularly make "to do" lists.  I have a list of projects I'd like to get to,  lists of things to do with the kids, lists of blog post ideas, lists of books to explore.   I used to have a list of books I read and liked.  I have a list of plants I'd love to have in my future dream garden, lists of plants I think should be able to grow in this climate.  There is also a list of topics to research and lately, when I am able to find a pen, I keep a list of my Google searches so I can retrace my steps on any given topic of interest.  For years,  I've kept various journals on and off. When I started this blog it largely took over as my regular journal.  So when I was recently reading about commonplace books, a type of journal, that was popular once upon a time, an intellectual record of sorts, where a person would write down bits of wisdom from other people that he or she would find of interest or significance, I was thinking that as much as I would like to do something like that, after all it's certainly interesting to be able to trace one's intellectual evolution, at this point in my life,  it would be too time consuming and labor intensive.  And then I came across this idea, where the woman had a notebook, beautifully decorated, where she kept a list of things to do, projects she was working on, gardening tasks.  It sounded much like my motley collection of lists, currently jotted down on various scraps of paper, always in jeopardy of disappearing or being misplaced just as I was looking for that important something.  It's always exciting to find an old list and try and remember what it was I've been doing or thinking on any given day.  Now, here is an idea I could see myself using and incidentally, it's another great way to recycle those old magazines,  old children's books that are missing too many pages, old gardening books or cookbooks, old calendars, etc.  Yes, a book of lists sounds doable.  I think, I'll add this to my list:)

Yom Hazikaron

The siren screams its plaintive heartrending dirge. "Mommy, what is that noise? Is it an emergency?" No, the air raid siren is up and down, this siren is to honor the soldiers that died fighting for Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel). Perhaps you should say tehillim or learn something in their memory".  Today was Yom Hazikaron - Israel's Memorial Day for its fallen soldiers and victims of terror.  Pain, memories and hope for a better tomorrow.  May we only know joy from now on and celebrate good things together as a united nation! Here are a few articles that are particularly moving.
To cry, mourn, to remember
Seated among heroes and watching faces
Who can count the dust of Jacob

Mothers of little boys

Long time ago, I saw a cute wall sign in some catalogue, that said that "Mothers of little boys work from son up till son down."  Today, it is a very apt description of my life.  It very much revolves around my sons' goings and comings.  I am sitting now, admiring a new thrifted curtain on my window, white with lilacs, very me and completely belying  the maelstrom of activity that was going on around me just a few short hours ago.  The sons were very much up.  Different sons at different times. Today, he helped the handy man ( he is my budding handyman!), he finished yet another adventure story.  So, often these days, I am amazed at how grown up he is becoming.  He likes to reason and argue and use big words.  He has an opinion about everything so occasionally we lock horns.  But I tell him that stubborness is a good thing in right situations and one has to be strong and stand up for what one believes in. We might disagree on occasion but I know he is listening, at least some of the time:) "Could you make yogurt tonight, Mommy? I have all kinds of ideas for different flavors."  I said that if he only settles down to sleep maybe then I'll get to that yogurt:)  We both settled on trying to make a coffee flavored one.  Soon he was back.  He had an abscess on his foot that hurt.  We discussed what one should do with wounds so they don't get infected.  Then I remembered that I read that raw beets are good for drawing an abscess out, so I cut him a slice and stuck it in his sock.  He found the whole thing very humorous, so humorous that it necessitated waking up his brother to inform him of this hilarious fact.  The brother was duly amused and now they continued to horse around.  "What will you make me instead of yogurt?" said the second son up( he is allergic to milk).  I am not a fan of soy.  It's always such a challenge to think of something for this child to eat.  This son is usually on the go when he is up.  Today he was zipping around the house on his scooter.  He is the one who likes to ponder and construct and deconstruct, a bit too often?  I keep telling him that curiosity has to be balanced with responsibility.  "I love you" he says" Now can I have those privileges back? that boy!He continued to dance around me.  I was thinking of trying to make kombucha, which he liked or some drinking vinegar recipes I've seen around but all of these need more time than the yogurt.  Will it be potato flavored, he asks.  I guess they have a vegetable theme going, these two.  He enjoys his own joke, more hilarity.  Suddenly all is quiet again.  Before that another son spends the whole day trying to make himself understood without too many words, getting frustrated, screaming, rejoicing when he gets to his goal.  Getting to as many of his goals as possible, is his overall objective these days, that's the stage he is at and because he is so much younger, his older siblings indulge his eccentricities and delight in his cuteness.  Finally, his bottle is found yet again, he has his favorite book, he's been kissed and covered to his liking.  Son down.  Before that, two littlest sons have smiled and cried and cooed and screamed and ate and were changed and were cuddled and rocked and held until they too(two?) sank into their soft blankets and angelic dreams. Milky sweet baby smell and fluffiness and yummy toes and delicious baby sounds from these newest of sons.  From son to son, from son up to son down.  The daughters are also down at last:) Quiet and peaceful.   It's now my down time, that of the curtains with lilacs quiet, until it will be up time again. Yes, sons -suns?

The goings on

Pesach is over and  it's time to get back to a routine.  I have many grand plans as usual:)  Since we've started Pesach cleaning, I've been on a decluttering, simplification and healthification compaign.  I am really trying to get rid of all the things that we don't need, don't like, don't use, etc. and replace the things that need replacing with healthier choices.   This site has been very helpful to me in aiding me with the ideas for the process.  I am hoping to get back to our regular learning schedule and add some things like history-probably using some older in the public domain living books, geography - map drills, possibly using Geography Trails, more read alouds for big kids, more projects of the concocting type, more art- still have to figure out the best way to do it, basically getting back to a more Charlotte Mason like mode.  The weather is getting more and more summerlike.  The kids have been spending  A LOT of time outside, whether playing, riding scooters and bicycles, jumping rope, swinging or just sitting on the fence socializing or observing.  Our tree turned out to be a chinaberry.  It's currently in bloom, looks absolutely lovely and makes the whole yard smell like perfume. There are so many different flowering trees and shrubs around the neighbourhood, as well as lots of different interesting plants both wild and cultivated, so we've been doing some nature study.  It's hard not to.  I've been reading up on medicinal properties of various local native plants, a subject I find fascinating, and pointing some of them out to the kids.  The little ones just enjoy the flowers and the birds and the sunshine.  I've spotted some interesting birds around here too.  I really should start a nature journal like I've wanted to do for a long time, there is just so much material that would we very interesting to record and perhaps it will inspire the children to do the same. I really enjoyed this book by Claire Walker Leslie about nature journal keeping.  I wanted to do some sort of chemistry with the big kids this year, it didn't happen though but I think I will change the focus somewhat and try out different things with them in the kitchen like making sourdough, growing a kombucha scoby, infusing vinegars and making salves and healthy probiotic drinks.  Hopefully there will be posts to follow up on these soon.  All of them sound like great, practical projects to try out and are something that kids can easily participate in.  We have some birthdays coming up, so I would really like to make at least something for the birthday kids, we will see.  Dh has been doing a great job with his usual casual history, geography, and general, anything under the sun informal lessons.  He is really good at that.  I am better at more sructured lessons, but the art and the language and life lesson type of thing comes to me more naturally and spontaneously.  Also, I am trying to do something every day, one thing to do or to make from my very long list.  We are slowly catching up on all the things that have waited for the past year.  I also need to keep on with all the basics, work with the older ones on some areas of weakness in their studies, spend more quality time with the smaller ones and give the smallest ones what they need too.  A tall order. B"H, it's a very full and busy life that we lead.

Slow down, construction ahead!

It  feels like in the recent past everything in my day to day life, no matter what I do, is about slowing down.  I think it's probably true for any parent of young children.  Some things just can't be hurried, one has to take them as they come, when they come.  But there is always a part of me that is screaming to do everything NOW, teach the kids EVERYTHING TODAY, finish every project on the list IMMEDIATELY, write everyhting that I want to write RIGHT NOW or the inner naysayer continues, it will NEVER happen, it will NEVER get done,  do it all and do it now, now,now, right now...   I think Someone is trying to teach me something.  I have no choice but to slow down and the truth be told, that pace suits me much better and suits the children much better.  One has to take time to construct lives, to shape personalities one step, one conversation, one kindness, one battle, one struggle, one right choice or action at a time.  I am reminded of the epic meeting between Yakov (Jacob) and his brother Eisav (Esau).  Travel with me, says Eisav, let us go together, but Yakov answers, that he can't.   Go ahead, I'll catch up with you later, I have to move slower, for the children are small and tender.  Don't worry we'll meet up at the end.  How profound!  Slow down, there is construction to be done ahead.  Don't rush, you'll get there at the right time.  Slow down, do the necessary painstaking work now. Maybe that's another way to understand that there are those that acquire their World (to come) in one moment,  for some perhaps it's one moment and then another one moment.   Good things in life require patience and perseverence and hard work.  There is no free lunch.  Sometimes one has to sow with tears in order to eventually reap with joy.  One tends to forget sometimes.  The western culture of today is very much about getting everything now, instant gratification or else.  Isn't everything I am trying to do in my life and to teach to my children the exact opposite of that message.  But how often do I find myself falling into the NOW trap anyway? So much in our daily lives is about this  message to slow down but it is also so true about Jewish history, about Israel today, about the Geula (Redemption).  Slow down, do what needs to be done, don't worry, there is construction ahead, even if it doesn't feel like it at all, even when things seemed to be turned on their heads, even when the going is slow and painful, maddeningly so, even when it feels more like a destruction, there is construction ahead.  I have no desire to wish these moments away, I just have to keep reminding myself to try and rise up to the occasion again and again, reassure myself that I will get where I need to go, gradually and that's the way it was meant to be.  Slow and steady, that's the secret to G-dliness.  Simple and yet so difficult.  Good, now it's time to get to the hard and slow work of constructing.  It just occured to me, that actually, it's a very timely message for the sefira period, which is all about incremental growth leading up to the acceptance of the Torah on Shavuos.