A very long short Pesach update

Sometimes it takes many years for some ideas to take root and become actualized.  I think that this year I caught a little bit of the Pesach liberating spirit, touched that breaking out of our self -imposed limitations feeling,  came to terms with the idea that setbacks are also part and parcel of the ultimate redemption.  Cleaning and organizing and crashing and coming back again to enjoy the seder.  Somehow, over the years despite the lack of time for in depth study, the words of the Haggadah itself became more meaningful and more immediate. Spending time with kids, going on outings, realizing it's just too much right now and we really need to rethink our Chol Hamoed family outing policy.  Beautiful vistas, stretches of azure skies and hills and trees and happy muddy children.   So idyllic in many ways, I've got pictures to prove it, but tired and irritable mother and an exhausted father. Sigh.  But tomorrow is another day.  So for today -happy, energetic, ready to go children.  We decided to implement a different strategy.  Dh took the bigger four on a trip and I stayed home with the babies.  Dh and the bigger ones really enjoyed the outing minus the difficulties of juggling infants and a very energetic headstrong toddler.  And I, I was a little sad to not be able to go but I really appreciated the time just with the little ones, finally getting some relatively undivided attention.  So, sunny skies, birds overhead, babies swinging in a hammock in a gentle breeze, a toddler collecting twigs and riding around me, a sweet, almost heady smell of some blossoms from as of yet unidentified tree (looks like some sort of an ash) and some sure knowledge of being where one should be.  It's been a marathon of cooking and trying to balance everyone's needs and wants and still get that special feeling that each holiday brings and not lose that special something that each holiday brings.   Yes, I think I've got some of that liberating Pesach spirit, by slowly changing things to shape a life I should really be living.  Thank G-d.  And tomorrow is another day with its' ups and downs,  its' joys and disappointments, its infinite potential for something special and holy and meaningful, something too good to lose to crankiness and pettiness.  So I'll try to pass that part over and skip into the day that I'd like it to be, one little change at a time.