Wednesday, October 6, 2010
It's night here. There is a special sweetness to the house full of sleeping children. The night light casts its' shadow over their slumbering features. I look around at the remains of today. The supper table that still needs to be cleared. The toys that still need to be picked up, the projects and games and dreams in progress all around me. My body is tired but my brain keeps on going, abuzz with plans and ideas and hopes for tomorrow. Then there is the daily if not hourly analysis of everything that transpires within these four walls. Today this one was sick, that one was tired, this one needed more stimulation and that one more down time. This one was acting out, clearly something is bothering him, but he is not the type to be able to verbalize what the problem is. He can't understand why I can't read his mind to get all the information I might need. He wants my help, but it's my job to figure out how and what to do. Today, I nursed and cuddled, kissed and admonished, shopped for supplies, advised on projects, read stories, cooked. Today I yelled in frustration. Today I prayed for wisdom and patience to do the right thing, to help everyone in the way they need to be helped, to love them the way they deserve to be loved. Today I could feel again how hard it is to fit everything in, but also how much more fits in than I could imagine on a regular basis. They are all growing up and we are also growing up, each in our own way, in a myriad different ways. We all exist on so many planes all at once, each day so multifaceted. We feel like we are on a treadmill running from one thing to the next. And yet... Today was fast but it was also slow. It was painful at times but also beautiful beyond compare, it was simple and it was complex all in the same day, all at the same time. It was precious even with all the mistakes and the failures and faux pas because life is precious and every minute is a tremedous gift. It's amazing when one begins to appreciate the cosmic significance of every moment, of every chain of moments, of a life that can be woven from all these glorious glorious moments, even today. Today, when I wasn't necessarily at my all time best, didn't feel like I was my ideal dream parent or person, for that matter, didn't get everything done. So thank G-d for today!!!